GOOD MORNING IRAQ
V/O: Good morning Iraq! And here are your hosts, Crazy Saddam and 71-Hour Ahmed!
Ahmed: Today we are bringing our show to you live from a warehouse in Adelaide
Saddam: What a shithole. Anyway, we'll be making a pipe bomb using Astrolite-G.
Ahmed: Saddam, what have I told you about using that word? (Points a gun at Saddam). First, we have to tell them what a bomb
(Saddam brings up a plastic pipe painted silver)
Ahmed: To make the casing you'll need a pipe at least 6 inches long and threaded so that you can put pipe caps on each end. Make sure it's a metal one, because Saddam "accidentally" got us plastic.
Saddam: Many apologies, offendi.
Ahmed: Feed the wires going to the detonator through the hole in the cap, drop the detonator into the pipe, and screw the cap on. Saddam, I think that even your tiny little brain could cope with this.
Saddam: (Swinging detonator around his head) Hey Ahmed, catch this! (Throws detonator to Ahmed)
Ahmed: Once the detonator is in place, seal the hole and attach the timer. Take it out of your mouth! (points gun at Saddam)
Saddam: How long do I set the timer for?
Ahmed: Hang on a second Saddam. Abdul, bring out the wheel of death!
(Abdul brings out the wheel)
Saddam: So we set it for (X) minutes.
Dave: Curse those Iraqis, mate. Hey look Bob, they left us a present, mate!
Dave: Why do you think that, ya son of a wallaby?
Bob: What are we going to do now mate?
20 minutes later
(Both Bob and Dave are sitting in a corner)
Bob: (Slurred) So what do you call four dogs with no balls?
(Both piss themselves with laughter)
Bob: (Looks at his watch) Jeez, mate, we only have another ten minutes to dismantle this very hostile bomb, mate.
(Both men walk back to the desk )
Dave: So do we have another beer, Bob?
Dave: So Bob, mate, what is the first thing we do with this box?
Dave: And how do we do that?
Bob: Now, we cut open the box and...
Dave: (Pulls out gun and points it at the bomb) Freeze you piece of shit!
Bob: Now, now son. We've only got 3 minutes of air time, I mean, until the bomb goes off.
Bob: I'll use my police issue wire cutters. Mate.
These were written by Ricky and myself, typed by me, and converted to HTML by Ricky. He also wrote the following notes. Anything in bold italics is an addition I have written in.
Along with Saddam, he is a native of Iraq who loves to display the power that can only be matched by god (WTF? Whatever you're taking, stop, Ricky!). He is also the smarter of the two.
(Yes, he's a complete rip off of the 71 hour Ahmed from Terry Pratchett's novel, Jingo. Played by me.)
This native of Iraq is the slower of the two, but he loves drinking Gatorade, Astrolite G and running marathons in the desert during the middle of summer.
(A mockery of Saddam Hussein. Played by Ricky)
An Arab boy from Adelaide who participates in the show through his school's work experience program.
(Brett's first "Work Experience student" role.)
He is a senior officer in the AFP. With only about ten years before retirement, he is a complete hardass to anyone who pisses him off, but he is generally a great bloke to talk to.
(Played by Ricky.)
Dave is a new AFP officer in his mid-twenties. He absolutely pisses Bob off, and yet they hold a perfect relationship.
(Played by me).
Wheel of death:
This wheel is designed for the Good Morning Iraq crew to determine how long they program the timer of the many bomb's that they make. The wheel is the same as they use in the quiz show 'Wheel of Fortune'.
(Not really. It's just an old, worn out chocolate wheel.)
The Australian Federal Police is the Australian version of the FBI, although not as cheap.
(I completely freaked out when I discovered that the AFP is a real part of the Australian Police!)