EFOUR SITE REVISION 2 WORK

Scene	Camera
1	C4 C2	Opening credits V/O: Good morning Iraq! And here are your hosts, Crazy Saddam and 71-Hour Ahmed!
2	C1	Ahmed: Today we are bringing our show to you live from a warehouse in Adelaide
3	C3	Saddam: What a shithole. Anyway, we'll be making a pipe bomb using Astrolite-G.
4	C2	Ahmed: Saddam, what have I told you about using that word? (Points a gun at Saddam). First, we have to tell them what a bomb is. Saddam: Yeah, we use it to get money out of rich American embassies. Ahmed: Saddam, for political reasons only! Astrolite-G is two parts Ammonium Nitrate and one part Hydrazine. Saddam: BOOM! (giggles) Ahmed: Saddam! Quiet you sun of a camel. Mix these chemicals up! Saddam: (Mixes chemicals cocktail style, singing Copa-Cabana theme) Can I get the pipe bomb yet, Ahmed? Ahmed: All right then. And stop that damn juggling!
5	C3	(Saddam brings up a plastic pipe painted silver)
6	C1	Ahmed: To make the casing you'll need a pipe at least 6 inches long and threaded so that you can put pipe caps on each end. Make sure it's a metal one, because Saddam "accidentally" got us plastic.
7	C2	Saddam: Many apologies, offendi. Ahmed: While your pouring the explosive into the pipe, would you like a nice glass of holy water? Saddam: No, this blue stuff tastes a lot nicer. Ahmed: Saddam, you brother of a pig, that's the Astrolite! Saddam: Oops.
8	C1	Ahmed: Feed the wires going to the detonator through the hole in the cap, drop the detonator into the pipe, and screw the cap on. Saddam, I think that even your tiny little brain could cope with this.
9	C2	Saddam: (Swinging detonator around his head) Hey Ahmed, catch this! (Throws detonator to Ahmed) Ahmed: (Points with gun) Put the detonator back before I blow your sorry head off, you husband of a goose! (Pause) Ahmed: Once the detonator is in place, seal the hole and attach the timer. Take it out of your mouth! (points gun at Saddam) Saddam: (Speaking through circuit board) We burn the flag? (Bringing out American flag) Ahmed: Not until you connect the timer.
10	C3	Saddam: How long do I set the timer for?
11	C2	Ahmed: Hang on a second Saddam. Abdul, bring out the wheel of death! (Abdul brings out the wheel) Saddam: So we set it for (X) minutes. Ahmed: We'll we've got about ten minutes until those dicks from the AFP get here, so until next week, may your terrorism activities be profitable.

Scene	Camera
1	C2	Dave: Curse those Iraqis, mate. Hey look Bob, they left us a present, mate! Bob: Hang on a minute, mate, I think it's some sort of explosive device.
2	C1	Dave: Why do you think that, ya son of a wallaby? Bob: Because it's got explosive device written on the side of it, mate.
3	C2	Bob: What are we going to do now mate? Dave: How about a beer? Bob: Corr, best idea I've heard all day.
4	C4	20 minutes later
5	C2	(Both Bob and Dave are sitting in a corner) Bob: (Slurred) So what do you call four dogs with no balls? Dave: (Slurred) What? Bob: The spice girls. (Both piss themselves with laughter)
6	C3	Bob: (Looks at his watch) Jeez, mate, we only have another ten minutes to dismantle this very hostile bomb, mate. (Both men walk back to the desk )
7	C1	Dave: So do we have another beer, Bob? Bob: (With patriotic music playing in the background) No Dave, when duty calls, when we have to save this world from enemies like those Iraqi pricks, we have to be there! Dave: What, even if it's to save Adelaide, shithole of Australia? Bob: Yes Dave, god knows they need the publicity.
8	C2	Dave: So Bob, mate, what is the first thing we do with this box? Bob: We'll Dave, first we have to take the bomb out of the box.
9	C3	Dave: And how do we do that? Bob: Dave, you cousin of a kangaroo, you use a Stanley knife. Dave: Bonza idea mate
10	C2	Bob: Now, we cut open the box and... Dave: (Unscrews the cap on the bomb) This looks like a plastic pipe filled with Gatorade. Bob: I wouldn't muck around with that stuff mate. Dave: (drinks some of the liquid) It tastes like Gatorade as well. Bob: Listen mate, do that again son and I'll kneecap ya! Dave: Hang on you can't do that, I'm a police officer! Bob: I worked with the Victorian police force once, therefor, I can do whatever I want.
11	C1	Dave: (Pulls out gun and points it at the bomb) Freeze you piece of shit! Bob: Dave, what the hell are you doing? Dave: It moved at me with hostile intent, sarge.
12	C3	Bob: Now, now son. We've only got 3 minutes of air time, I mean, until the bomb goes off. Dave: Quick mate, cut the wires, it could go off any second now!
13	C2	Bob: I'll use my police issue wire cutters. Mate. Dave: Quick mate, cut the yellow wire. Bob: (Cuts the yellow wire and the bomb goes off)
14	C4	(Ending credits)

These were written by Ricky and myself, typed by me, and converted to HTML by Ricky. He also wrote the following notes. Anything in bold italics is an addition I have written in.

71-Hour Ahmed	Along with Saddam, he is a native of Iraq who loves to display the power that can only be matched by god (WTF? Whatever you're taking, stop, Ricky!). He is also the smarter of the two. (Yes, he's a complete rip off of the 71 hour Ahmed from Terry Pratchett's novel, Jingo. Played by me.)
Crazy Saddam	This native of Iraq is the slower of the two, but he loves drinking Gatorade, Astrolite G and running marathons in the desert during the middle of summer. (A mockery of Saddam Hussein. Played by Ricky)
Abdul	An Arab boy from Adelaide who participates in the show through his school's work experience program. (Brett's first "Work Experience student" role.)
Bob	He is a senior officer in the AFP. With only about ten years before retirement, he is a complete hardass to anyone who pisses him off, but he is generally a great bloke to talk to. (Played by Ricky.)
Dave	Dave is a new AFP officer in his mid-twenties. He absolutely pisses Bob off, and yet they hold a perfect relationship. (Played by me).